Catherine Kieu Becker and the Thing She Did (GROSS)

I'll give you the opportunity to pass this one up. Awful story to follow after the jump.



On Monday night, this chick's husband thought he was sitting down to an awesome home-cooked meal. I'm sure he had a tough day, it's been hot in California after all (see preceding post) so he was probably pretty stoked to get some delicious food made with care, love, and DRUGS.
Long story short, he passes out, wakes up tied to his bed with the love of his life standing over him wielding a knife, and he loses the one part of his body even lizards can't grow back (I actually researched this and as it turns out, there is no information on it in the first 3 pages of Google so I'm correct by default).

And if you're curious, it could have probably been reattached had she not put it through the garbage disposal.

Anyone who's ever used a garbage disposal knows it makes a satisfying noise when destroying some foodstuffs, and at other times can make some horrifying sounds. It all depends on what you're throwing in that thing. Just ask Sookie about the time she decided to make Talbot Smoothies.

by xoxlabella via Deviantart

mmmmmmmm Looks like Cranberry Sauce

What bugs me out most about this is, after doing the deed, she calls 911 for her husband, and then tells the first guys on the scene that he "deserved it".

You hear this at places like baby showers and The View watching parties or whatever it is girls do when they're not cooking (put the knife down, a) I'm joking and b) shut up) "If I ever caught my man cheating I'd cut it off!" and they all laugh and high five or kiss or whatever girls do when they all agree. But 99% of all girls have never had a penis and have no idea what that would be like. I don't even know if there's a female equivalent. Ovaries? I once had a graphic and upsetting conversation with my girlfriend about what could be done with a pair of toenail clippers. CRINGE.

Point of the story is that it's never OK [just had a conversation with someone where we concluded it would only ever be justified if the person was a serial violent rapist and only if they were executed immediately afterwards. Fine, I'll concede to that] but finally after years of technology failing the man half of humanity (excluding football phones and fleshlights) and rage-filled girl-threats ("If you make one more kitchen joke I swear to God I'll cut it off" *OVERREACTION*), the joke is on the chicks.

BBC: Chinese rebuild sex organs with muscle grafts

Yeah, the Chinese have figured out a way to build a new penis from other muscle tissue on your body, and it totally works, and is proportionally more awesome than your old one. I'll do you a favor and spare you the obligatory Oscar Goldman quote but yeah, they can rebuild you. They have the technology. Better than you were before. Better. Stronger. Faster. Doesn't count as a quote because I changed the tense. Speaking of tense, the only thing is that the erection process is weird because you have to sort of activate it yourself, which sounds kind of like an awesome perk (On/Off switch yes please).

Shorthand moral of the story: Never cut a guy's little Tom Johnson off, or else he will come back with a bionic one with a vengeance, and from there, it's only a matter of time before someone figures out how to hack into it and turn it into the Sentinels from The Matrix, and that's something nobody wants inside them.