HEAT WAVE! And Other Hot Things

Mostly just because it's been hot outside, partially because The Who looks much better on camera than Martha and the Vandellas (Yeah I knew who they were before I saw them next the result for The Who on YouTube. Are you going to argue with me?) but entirely because I was one day into a blog and almost out of stuff to talk about so tonight I'm letting the Interweb do the talking for me. And it's talking about OMG IT IS HOT OUTSIDE.

Follow the jump to watch me rage intellectual about the Sun and all the things it does for (and against) us.



Well the Sun, you see, it's all jacked up. It's crazy-big, and crazy-hot and it explodes randomly and fires dangerous radiation at us all the time. And that's a true story. This video is just from last month:



If you were really watching that video, you'd see pieces of the Sun, which is like 99% ball of giant scary fire, being blown out into space, falling back to the sun and catching back on fire. That's how much you don't want to be there. If the Sun challenged you to a game of Mortal Kombat, you'd have to decline, because you'd be instantly evaporated because there's no XBox controller that can reach (wired or wirelessly) far enough away from the Sun to escape its horrifying melty danger zone.

You can go here for real info and not just my sensationalist banter.

Obviously, we need the Sun to live, so we can grow corn and not be frozen and all such awesome things. If the Pagans have it right, the Sun's actually pretty sweet (which is why you build something as big and unweildy as Stonehenge). Historians theorize that Stonehenge was like a solar calendar for the Druids, measuring the Summer and Winter Solstices impressively effectively, so they knew when to get totally wasted and frolick (in an impressively effective way). So what are we to expect from self-satisfied Manhattanites today, at (check this out) "Manhattanhenge"?

At Stonehenge, the Sun crosses the site's central axis during the summer and winter solstices, leading experts to speculate that the site could have been used as a sort of sun calendar, as well as for religious ceremonies.

But in Manhattan, the phenomenon takes place before and after the solstices when at dusk but before sunset, the Sun neatly matches up with the even-numbered streets running west and east, sending out fingers of light.

Read more about it here: News 24: Magical Manhattanhenge

I'm not trying to be a hater, but this is bound to happen with any streets running parallel from East to West.

"Hey, what you got against New Yawk!"

Nothing. But I saw more than one article about this online and felt the need to add sanity back into the tubes. Plus I've never been into vermouth.

But yeah, about 48% of the United States is bummed about the heat. Apparently, no one's told them the news that, according to our own scientists, the Sun's probably going to go into hibernation soon, and no one even knows what that means. One link of many is right here (though I typically don't let the British account for American affairs. I think we sent a flag to the Sun didn't we?). Apparently we have a few years until we find out just how bad that news is, which should be enough time for the Japanese to figure out how to harness sunshine in a bottle (or in a bag, Gorillaz style.)

If you don't know anything about the Gorillaz, I can't help you.


Shorthand Moral of the Story: Enjoy the Sun even though it's hot, because no mock turtleneck is going to save you when it decides to take a staycation.

You're probably wondering how long this entry is going to go on for. It's already descended into a dismal vacuum of relevance. I just wanted to let you know, the ads you see all over my blog aren't because I'm a sellout, or a corporate prostitute. It's because I'm broke and I need money, and will sacrifice my integrity to get it from corporate sponsors. What do you mean that's what a sellout is? My point is, most of the things you see on this site won't be nearly this long, or always quite so space-related. But for my first day, I couldn't think of anything bigger than space, so that's where we'll get started.